KaBob

I am sad about Mom. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm frustrated, but tonight I'm just sad. As I was helping Dad to bed he sighed. I said, "What?" but I knew why. He said, "It's nothing you can help me with." Finally, he said, "When you love someone for so many years, it's hard to think they won't do what you want them to." It's times like that I don't know who to feel sorrier for: me (my first impulse!) because dang it, a girl wants her mommy sometimes; Dad because he needs her so much right now and she is not there for him; or Mom because this can't be the way she wants her life to be and deep down she must be so sad and scared. (For those of you who don't know and/or haven't guessed, Mom is really in the care center not because there's something wrong with her knee [in which she is suffering extreme arthritis pain and which is the ostensible reason she is there], but because there is something wrong inside her that has given up and feels she cannot do anything for herself.)

When Dad said what he did, I thought about earlier this afternoon. I was playing with TCBitW tm and she kept reaching out for my hand (and grabbing it when I didn't hold hers fast enough), saying, "KaBob! (come on)," and dragging me around the house. If you've ever been grabbed by a toddler, you know they are somehow superstrong and tenacious and no matter how big you are, you almost can't get free (not that you want to!). I wish there was a way to grab Mom's hand and tell her, "KaBob!" and drag her free once and for all of the things that hold her down, hold her prisoner. I wish I could hold on to her with that superstrong and tenacious grip.

Please pray for our meeting with Mom and her psychologist tomorrow. We need tools to deal with all of this and a better understanding of what is going on with her. Please pray that she would not be defensive, but be willing to seek the help she needs. And that we (okay, I) would bring compassion and openness to the table.